Keep On Trucking.

Well here were are... I'm still trucking.. ! Last night I went out and got white girl wasted (which was probably because I hadn't eaten much during the day... duh... cuz I'm on a diet) and I've been home all day trying to recover. Today is the first day I haven't gone on walks with Jakers and today I'm REALLY not into my diet. *sigh* I guess today has been the hardest because I don't feel all that super.. so my motivation is at all time low. I haven't been totally adherent to my diet today, but I am practicing portion control and making healthy food decisions. I'm taking the day off from Sensa too because it seems like I should take a break from it every now and then just to give my body some REAL detox time. 

I'm going through a few super hard things personally and this is making me want to emo eat like a mofo, but I'm trying to fight the urges. I feel so f-in slugging because I haven't been on my walk, but seriously.. I'm dizzy every time I get off the couch so Jakers and I are having a Breaking Bad marathon. I'm really trying to not scarf down everything I see because on the inside I'm crying harder than usual.. but it's hard.. it's REALLY fucking hard.You know problems with weight and food... are so much deeper than just what you're putting in your body.. they all stem from somewhere deeper, and all that pain takes a toll on you. Once upon a time I used to have a healthy drug habit... which... coincidentally kept me thin. The... I got clean and have been for a number of years, and so over the past year or so the weight has just been piling on. All those years I spent doing drugs and hiding from emotional pain.. stuffing it way down deep inside... NOW I not only have to deal with the emo pain... I have to feel it and embrace and try not to eat because of it. Now I understand WHY drugs are bad...you spend years hiding from something and then have to deal with the ramifications of your actions later, and let me tell you.. LATER it hurts more than it did to start with. *sigh* Sobriety + Diet really blows right now. Oh well.. at least it's always 420 somewhere... and tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow we'll get back into exercising.. maybe fly to the moon go to the beach...definitely take Jakers for some walks.. possibly do some yoga. I have a brand new yoga mat I purchased forever ago and its never been used.... so I guess tomorrow would be as good of a day as any to start.

Day 3

Alright... It's Day 3 here... and... I'm still in the game, and what a hard game it is. I'm super cranky, really hungry, and just want to smoke a bowl, throw in the towel and go to the Olive Garden. I'm trying to stay with it though because if I F it up.. then it's back to square one, and I DO NOT want to be trapped in this shell for the rest of my life. 

My walks with Jake have been going pretty good, I'm enjoying them which is making me WANT to get off the couch.  Here's a picture of Jakers so you see my inspiration... 

Alright.. Well I'll give you more of an update laters.. !

Day 2

 

Alright... Well it's Day 2 & I'm still in the Game. Yeaaaa Boiii..! Of course.. I generally make it through Day 2 all the way to Day 4 or 5, and THEN I throw it all away to stuff myself with some good ass chinese food. There's this chinese place here in tha 'Ville and we avoided going there like the plague for a year after we moved here because it's in an old Burger King and named David's... (I know right... kinda strange..) but one day we took a chance and went there, and OMFG - Brevard County Chinese will never be the same. First of all they don't have a buffet so you KNOW it's good. Everything is made fresh to order and you never have to wait more than ten minutes.. The sushi is.... 

Okay, Okay.. I'm digressing. I'm trying to sit here and focus on the weight loss... but all I can think about is David's. I'm FUCKING REALLY hungry. Alright.. So I pretty much stayed on the plan for Day 1. I kept my calories at about 1600 and my sleep eating was minimal. Yes, I did sleep eat... I ate a half bag of veggie stix, one chocolate covered marshmallow, and three bites of banana cream pie. *sigh* I know.. not perfect.. but I'm still in the game and thats what matters, right... right.. ?

Alright.. So I'm going to change my pj's and walk the dog... that seems to get me going in a right direction. I have fresh Creme Brulee coffee in the french press and I have to start thinking about breakfast... Oh.. the horror. I'm not a super breakfast type of person.. I much prefer to eat lasagna than breakfast food. So.. I'm going to have to figure that one out. I'm planning a weigh in on on Sunday, just to check but I'm pretty certain I will not have lost any weight by then.. One can hope tho. 

Also... I will be adding more pictures of my progress later.. My f-in camera's battery charger is lost... *sigh*

Onward...  

Arrrrrg. Weightcapades.

 

Alright.. well in my battle to lose some weight... Food is winning. *sigh* I've had about 20 Day 1's by now. I'm super 420 friendly and live my life with the munchies almost 24/7, haha. Also.. I <3 to cook.. like a mofo really. I went to culinary school because I'm so passionate about it. So here I am.. I finally weighed myself.. (160 lbs) and I'm so just over it. My problem is that I need a distraction because I definitely stress eat + emo eat.. and oh yea, I also sleep eat. Sleep eat you say... ? Yes.. Back in the day when I used to be on a healthy dose of Ambien one of the side effects was sleep eating. After I stopped taking Ambien.. the habit never went away... I know you're probably sitting there laughing to yourself and imagining some pretty funny sleep eating scenarios. Chances are.. they have already happened to me. I have slept ate so much that @ least 20 of the 40 lbs of weight I need to lose are probably because of sleep eating. Recently I have tried to make sure when I go t sleep there is nothing around me that I can get into.. I can't tell you how many times a full bag of croutons has disappeared overnight. Even so.. removing things from my reach doesn't always solve the problem. I'll get out of bed and head into the kitchen with my eyes half open and not conscious of anything. One time my room mates saw me perfectly cut, peel, and slice a kiwi @ 4:30 in the morning with my eyes little slits in my head. They said I executed everything perfectly except I didn't use a cutting board and left all the kiwi debris sitting on the counter. *sigh* Yea.. so there it is.. those are the combination of factors that keep coming up... Plus there are a shit ton of other reasons I'm not getting off the couch, but when you get right down to it.. they are just that.. excuses though. 

When I'm not dealing with those factors I have your standard extreme depression, loneliness, grief, anxiety, and lethargy keeping me company. I'm trying to overcome it all because I want to be that person who is walking their dog, maybe half way smiling to themselves as they listen to their MP3 player, and not be huffing and puffing all the way down the street. 

So.. here we at Day 1 again.. I'm breaking out the Sensa, went to the produce stand, prepped some healthy snacks, and thats about as much effort as I can throw at it today.  

****UPDATE****

1. I got up off the couch and took my dog for a walk around the block (& I hope to repeat this process later)
2. So far so good on Day 1, keeping to my diet, using Sensa, snacking on healthy stuff instead of whatever, and trying to use portion control. This is hard.. but I know if I keep it up.. 1 day will turn into 60 and I'll be so much lighter and happier. 

I WILL fit into those jeans again.
I WILL start feeling better about myself.
I WILL start becoming more connected to my environment.
I WILL GET OFF THE FUCKING COUCH.

DAY 1 – Current Weight.. Unknown (but definitely over 150 lbs)

      I’ve decided to start losing some weight recently because I just haven’t been feeling well lately. I’m pretty sure it has something to do with being a smoker, doing no exercise, and eating whatever I want whenever I want. All during my life I have been underweight, and in high school weighed between 98 and 104 lbs, I was very active and involved with gymnastics and swimming. Now that I’m older I really just haven’t been that into exercising or dieting. Last summer I got a YMCA membership and started going to the gym… I felt a lot better about myself and started having more energy. Then some bullshit happened in my life and I was like… F it. However, recently I decided that I hate having to buy clothes in the double digits and not be comfortable what so ever swimming at the gym or sitting in class or anything else.  So.. I put together a plan for myself and it goes like this…. 

1.      

                      Sensa

2.                  Slimfast

3.                   Nutrisystem

4.                  Yoga 4 x a week

     Alright So I received my Sensa, I bought two cases of Slimfast and,  I ordered about a month’s worth of Nutrisystem off of Ebay. There is no way I’m paying $400 for one month of Nutrisystem food… It’s super  expensive and full of preservatives and salt..but I think it might have some merit for on the go eating. I also bought a yoga mat off of Ebay (it came with a case and free shipping), and there’s a TON of Yoga and different exercise videos of Netflix and I’m going to start with the easiest on Monday night plus I’ve decided not to eat anything after 10  pm… or Slimfast and raw Veggies only.

     Okay so there is my plan..I’m going to do it for two months and see what happens. Since today is Day 1 of Sensa I’ll tell you how that’s going. And also for those of you who don't know Sensa is an appetite suppressant so that when you do eat, you eat smaller portions. When I woke up around 1pm I made myself a hotdog with slaw, a bun, and mayo… AND… you guessed it..Sprinkled some Sensa on it. I ate about half of my hotdog and I was full. Later on because it’s kind of chilly in Florida today I made a huge pot of Shrimp, Crawfish, & Sausage Etouffee. I fixed myself a bowl and Sprinkled some Sensa on it. I ate about half the bowl and I was full. That was around 4:30 and even though I am a little hungry I will probably have a snack of Veggies at 6:30 and then finish my hotdog and bowl of Etouffee for dinner at 8:30. I’m sure that this diet so far sounds super weird to you because I haven’t done any exercising yet and the foods I mentioned aren’t anywhere near diet food, but I’m taking some small steps at first. If I can keep up with what I have done so far for the next two days I will be off to a good start. And I start yoga tomorrow. : ) Wish me luck…

Upate -

Hi Everyone, just wanted to give ya’ll an update on me and WISH YA’LL  A HAPPY NEW YEAR! This Holiday Season was trying for many reasons, but we got through it. My roommate (Chaoz) and I went to pick up his little Munchkin, my God-Daughter (Audrey) for Xmas! It was a super long trip (8 hours one way), but it was nice to have Munchkin home for Christmas!

      Xmas in Florida required no coat!

                 Picking up & Dropping off in Atlanta it was beyond cold..

On the road to other things! So with the bitter sweet  taste of the holidays still in our mouths we have moved into the New Year! I’m not sure if I’m excited about this one or not… I’m having a bit of the Seasonal Depression Blues so everything just looks a bit askew…

However, Chaoz & I start back to school tomorrow! It’s been a long winter break and I wish it was longer… *sigh* but we’re still excited to be getting back to it…

Anyway, wish us some luck, and I’ll try to get some posts going on… I’ve seen a bunch of kewlness lately that I would love to share.. !

Also here's some Xmas Pics!

My New Ebay Store

Hello Everyone!

I just wanted to take a moment to write and say I'm sorry I haven't been here on my blog lately. A lot of crazy stuff has been happening. We've been working hard and dealing with a lot of personal issues around here that have taken every ounce of emotional strength.

I will be posting some new recipes of things I have done as well as things I am selling!

I just opened my BRAND NEW EBAY STORE and I am really excited about it. My best friend and I are in the Entrepreneurship program at college and I really wanted to try my hand at selling some things that I find useful, LOL.

Here's the addy if anyone wants to check it out!

http://stores.ebay.com/mindymelenasstuff

A Bit About Me & Tofu

Well, I guess I don't know how to describe myself or what I'm about. I absolutely adore the culinary world. I used to go to Le Cordon Bleu recently, but they really suck (that's another story tho, haha) So, I don't know if I'm going to blog about food or life itself. I guess, we'll see, eh ? Also, I'm not a vegetarian or vegan but I'm trying to lose some weight and figured walking a bit every day and replacing meat with tofu is worth a try haha.... : ) Here's my first try.....

It actually tasted pretty f-in Good. The recipe I will post as soon as it gets on Food.com because that has all the nutritional info. The ingredients include tofu, broccoli, onion, sesame oil, cilantro, veggie broth... and some other things that will be in the reicpe. I think that for one of my first ventures it tofu it turned out pretty diving. Hahahahaha.. as for the rest of my day... don't even get me started...


Here's the recipe everyone!

1 red onion (small or large depending on what you like)

8 ounces frozen broccoli

  1/2 (8 ounce) box firm tofu (pressed for about 15 mins)

  1/2 (8 ounce) can vegetable broth

sesame oil

adobo seasoning (if you don't have that you can use onion powder or whatever you have on hand)

1 tablespoon soy sauce (more or less depending on your tastes buds)

garlic rice wine vinegar (splash)

1 tablespoon peanut butter

1 tablespoon fat free cream cheese

cilantro (fresh or dried to taste)

1. 1 Pour Broccoli, and onion into saute pan with olive oil to moisten. Saute on medium and start marination your tofu,
2. 2 For tofu pour rice wine vinegar,soy sauce and sesame oil to taste. (Some like it stronger than I do) Let your tofu marinate while your veggies cook down. I like chunks of onion so mine takes longer.
3. 3 Once they are translucent add half a can of vegetable broth.Your tofu should be ready to be added so cut it cubes and throw it inches Now let that simmer/reduce until you have about half the broth left. Now add your spices, pb, and cream cheese. Now let that simmer until it appears to have a creamy consistency.