Arrrrrg. Weightcapades.

 

Alright.. well in my battle to lose some weight... Food is winning. *sigh* I've had about 20 Day 1's by now. I'm super 420 friendly and live my life with the munchies almost 24/7, haha. Also.. I <3 to cook.. like a mofo really. I went to culinary school because I'm so passionate about it. So here I am.. I finally weighed myself.. (160 lbs) and I'm so just over it. My problem is that I need a distraction because I definitely stress eat + emo eat.. and oh yea, I also sleep eat. Sleep eat you say... ? Yes.. Back in the day when I used to be on a healthy dose of Ambien one of the side effects was sleep eating. After I stopped taking Ambien.. the habit never went away... I know you're probably sitting there laughing to yourself and imagining some pretty funny sleep eating scenarios. Chances are.. they have already happened to me. I have slept ate so much that @ least 20 of the 40 lbs of weight I need to lose are probably because of sleep eating. Recently I have tried to make sure when I go t sleep there is nothing around me that I can get into.. I can't tell you how many times a full bag of croutons has disappeared overnight. Even so.. removing things from my reach doesn't always solve the problem. I'll get out of bed and head into the kitchen with my eyes half open and not conscious of anything. One time my room mates saw me perfectly cut, peel, and slice a kiwi @ 4:30 in the morning with my eyes little slits in my head. They said I executed everything perfectly except I didn't use a cutting board and left all the kiwi debris sitting on the counter. *sigh* Yea.. so there it is.. those are the combination of factors that keep coming up... Plus there are a shit ton of other reasons I'm not getting off the couch, but when you get right down to it.. they are just that.. excuses though. 

When I'm not dealing with those factors I have your standard extreme depression, loneliness, grief, anxiety, and lethargy keeping me company. I'm trying to overcome it all because I want to be that person who is walking their dog, maybe half way smiling to themselves as they listen to their MP3 player, and not be huffing and puffing all the way down the street. 

So.. here we at Day 1 again.. I'm breaking out the Sensa, went to the produce stand, prepped some healthy snacks, and thats about as much effort as I can throw at it today.  

****UPDATE****

1. I got up off the couch and took my dog for a walk around the block (& I hope to repeat this process later)
2. So far so good on Day 1, keeping to my diet, using Sensa, snacking on healthy stuff instead of whatever, and trying to use portion control. This is hard.. but I know if I keep it up.. 1 day will turn into 60 and I'll be so much lighter and happier. 

I WILL fit into those jeans again.
I WILL start feeling better about myself.
I WILL start becoming more connected to my environment.
I WILL GET OFF THE FUCKING COUCH.