Keep On Trucking.

Well here were are... I'm still trucking.. ! Last night I went out and got white girl wasted (which was probably because I hadn't eaten much during the day... duh... cuz I'm on a diet) and I've been home all day trying to recover. Today is the first day I haven't gone on walks with Jakers and today I'm REALLY not into my diet. *sigh* I guess today has been the hardest because I don't feel all that super.. so my motivation is at all time low. I haven't been totally adherent to my diet today, but I am practicing portion control and making healthy food decisions. I'm taking the day off from Sensa too because it seems like I should take a break from it every now and then just to give my body some REAL detox time. 

I'm going through a few super hard things personally and this is making me want to emo eat like a mofo, but I'm trying to fight the urges. I feel so f-in slugging because I haven't been on my walk, but seriously.. I'm dizzy every time I get off the couch so Jakers and I are having a Breaking Bad marathon. I'm really trying to not scarf down everything I see because on the inside I'm crying harder than usual.. but it's hard.. it's REALLY fucking hard.You know problems with weight and food... are so much deeper than just what you're putting in your body.. they all stem from somewhere deeper, and all that pain takes a toll on you. Once upon a time I used to have a healthy drug habit... which... coincidentally kept me thin. The... I got clean and have been for a number of years, and so over the past year or so the weight has just been piling on. All those years I spent doing drugs and hiding from emotional pain.. stuffing it way down deep inside... NOW I not only have to deal with the emo pain... I have to feel it and embrace and try not to eat because of it. Now I understand WHY drugs are bad...you spend years hiding from something and then have to deal with the ramifications of your actions later, and let me tell you.. LATER it hurts more than it did to start with. *sigh* Sobriety + Diet really blows right now. Oh well.. at least it's always 420 somewhere... and tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow we'll get back into exercising.. maybe fly to the moon go to the beach...definitely take Jakers for some walks.. possibly do some yoga. I have a brand new yoga mat I purchased forever ago and its never been used.... so I guess tomorrow would be as good of a day as any to start.